November 6, 2008
“The biggest myth about Southern women is that we are frail types--fainting on our sofas...nobody where I grew up ever acted like that. We were about as fragile as coal trucks." --Lee Smith.
I am wondering today if I could possibly be a true-blooded Southern woman? I don't faint much. Here is the reason I ask.
A note came in the mail recently from an old college friend who lives in the South. She wrote, "Bless you Shugah, you Southern woman wannabe. Thought this enclosed gift suits you. You sure you weren't born in the South? And how's your Momma?"
A Southern woman wannabe?
Along with her letter came a charming book titled "What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should)" by Ronda Rich, published by Perigree Books. This best-selling Southern author and columnist's promotional material describes Rich as "bodacious" and says, "Scarlett O'Hara couldn't have explained Southern women better".
Truly, I must have lived in the South in a past life because every word of this book makes perfect sense to me.
Discount the fact that I was born in California and raised in northern Missouri, my friend was right; I am a Southern woman wannabe.
I love Rich's chapter titles: "Look your best even if you feel your worst. Pretty is as pretty does. Charm that disarms. Sweet as vinegar pie. When we want to overpay, we shop at Nieman Marcus. If life were fair, pecan pie would have no calories."
I love Rich's personal mantra, too. "If you can't charm 'em, just feed 'em". Therefore, I heartily recommend this book to every other Southern wannabe woman.
Included with the book was a list of traits of southern women to add proof that I am really a Southerner. My friend says she rests her case and "if the shoe fits, wear it Sweetie."
Her description of a Southern woman follows.
"Southern women know their religions--Methodist, Baptist, football."
"Southern women know everyone's first name--Honey."
"Southern women know the three deadly sins--having bad manners, cooking bad food, and having a bad hair and nail day."
"Only Southern women make friends while standing in lines, and when they are in line, they talk to everybody!"
"A Southern woman never uses one word when 10 or 20 will do."
I sat down directly and wrote her my best Southern reply, "I do declare I might be a Southerner after all and that is as good as walking in tall cotton (meaning something good, something extra nice).
I ended my letter with this postscript, "Now, we want all of y'all (all of y'all being the plural of y'all, which is the singular usage in the South) to come see us by and by."
Fiddle-dee-dee and great balls of fire, or something like that.
